Parent Partners: Making an Impact

Huffing

Surfing the Web to find out more about Huffing?

Let me tell you all you need to know about Huffing.

David Manlove Age 16

Friend, Brother, Son...."Likes to Huff Computer Duster"

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David Manlove Age 17

It was a choice to him....but its a life sentence for us.

Love you Dave....

Dad

What do I say to a Parent who has lost a child?

When a parent loses a child…family and friends are not surprisingly at a loss as to what to say.  I am often asked “what should I say” to someone who has suffered such a tragic event.  Now that I have walked this path for some years I find that the real question is not “what do I say?” but rather "what should I not to say?"  When I conjure up that painful image of standing in the funeral parlor by my son’s coffin with my wife and son Josh by my side, I see the faces of friends and loved ones contorted in grief or stunned silence shuffling toward me slowly.  They seemed to come to me in waves much as the grief did...continually washing over me.  In most cases they did not know what to say, and sensing that I would take them in my arms and whisper, “It’s OK….there are No words.”  I would hold them for a while then let them go. 

Of those that did speak I cannot remember a word, except for the ones who said things they should not have said.  Words like:

I know how you feel because I lost my (insert here) (Mother…Father…Grandma…Sister…Brother…best Friend…Dog)

God must have needed him more that you did.

He’s in a better place.

This is God’s will.

At least you have other children.

God works in mysterious ways and he knows best.

In the end it is best to say as little as possible because there really are no words.  If you haven’t suffered the loss of a child…acknowledge that there is no way you can possibly understand what they are going through…and that you are here for them and willing to do anything for them.  If you are a spiritual person offer to pray for them and their child.

Hug them, hold them and then let them move on.

Reflections on Fathers Day

For a son, Fathers Day is usually a time for reflection on the support, unconditional love, guidance and wisdom that we received from our father. It is a time to celebrate the life of that strong figure that contributed so much to who we are, what we think and how we live our lives today. For a father it is also a time to celebrate the lives of our children, who they are and what they are becoming. These are times to revel in the memories of what has been and what will be, of joy and of hope.

But for a father whose son or daughter is struggling with addiction Father’s Day is a day of conflicting emotions and self doubt. There are those nagging questions that lurk constantly in our sub-conscious…

Where did I go wrong?

How did I miss this?

Why couldn’t I have prevented this?

Why can’t I fix this?

The recriminations can create such a noise in our heads that all of the wonderful things of who are children are get crowded out by the din. Remember our kids are not bad…they are just making bad choices. Remember that there is help and our job is to see that they get the help that they need.

And most of all remember that we didn’t cause this, you are not alone and there is always hope if we reach out to others.

The Winds Of Remembrance

In the first few days and months after the loss of a child, parents struggle to make sense of living  a paradox where life either goes on with an uncaring relentlessness or is the barren existence of a memory that seems forever frozen in time.  Some curse the dawning of each day while others wander lost in the wilderness that is bereavement. 

But for some their grief brings new meaning to life and to love.  And if they are lucky enough to embrace this new wisdom they may emerge from their chrysalis of loss, unfold their wings and soar upon the winds of remembrance.