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May 07, 2006

The Drawer

The drawer in the old desk was filled with memories.  The desk found its way into a number of different rooms over the years...in the four homes we have lived in these past twenty some years.  I am not sure when I began to keep them but at some point when the kids were very small I began to collect ticket stubs from the zoos, movies, concerts, amusement parks and sporting events we attended.  I never have an exact plan on how I would eventually organize and display them but I knew that it would be a unique chronology of their youth for my boys when they were adults, something they could share with their own children when the time came.

David’s death from huffing changed all that.  At first it was pictures of him that I was unable to look at, that was followed by the childhood videos I could not watch, and then there was that “drawer.”  For a long time I stayed out of the room where the desk was and if I were forced to enter I averted my eyes from the corner that it occupied. 

Five years later I still can’t watch the family videos but I have come to terms with photos.  And the drawer…it’s empty now.  Sometime that first year after losing Dave, when the grief gripped my heart and blinded my eyes, I took the memories out and threw them all away…because I knew, that whatever happened, they would always be too painful for my heart

May 7, 2006 at 11:57 PM in The Journey | Permalink


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