Teen Substance Abuse - Getting On The Same Page With Your Spouse!

 For the past ten years Marissa and I have facilitated a Parent Support Group at Fairbanks Treatment Center in Indianapolis where our teenage son received services. We had been very pleased with the treatment he received at Fairbanks and the parent education program that was offered to us.  However, when he started their aftercare program we discovered that there was no continuing education or support program for parents.  We also learned very quickly that the skill set received while our son was in treatment was not the same as the tools needed for a teen in early recovery....and the Parent Support Group was born.

 In the decade since hundreds of parents have attended the meetings of the support group and over time a number of principles and guidelines for families dealing with adolescent substance abuse have emerged.  

Here are our 10 “suggestions” for spouses as they work through drug and alcohol issues with their teen: 

1. Be open and honest with each other about your own perspectives on drug and alcohol use past or present.  Don’t make assumptions or take anything for granted.
2. If you have different perspectives on teen drug and alcohol use find common ground where you can agree and start from there.  
3. If you have differing opinions talk these through before you talk with your teen.
4. Don’t challenge your spouse on the way they handle a situation in front of your teen.
5. Understand that in the end you can’t control how your spouse reacts you can only control your own response.
6. Own your own feelings not the feelings of your spouse.
7. Say what you mean, mean what you say and don’t say it meanly.
8. Be consistent and supportive of each other.
9. Parenting teens can be stressful.  Parenting teens with drug and alcohol issues can be frightening. Be sure to take time for and be kind to each other.
10. Take a firm stand together on your teen’s drug and alcohol use and remember that  if you want to be in your child’s memories tomorrow you must be involved in their lives today.