Addiction - Confliction

Although it happens less frequently now I do still feel so conflicted at times. 

Since David's death from substance abuse almost ten years ago... I have met so many wonderful people who are as passionate about the prevention, education, treatment and recovery from addiction as I am.  I have discovered thousands of kindred spirits who understand my pain and have shared my suffering as they too  have done battle with their own substance abuse demons. 

With those folks I have formed friendships that are deeper and richer than than friends I have known for decades.  Indeed they have formed a family of love, understanding and compassion that surrounds me which my own extended family can never begin to understand or match.  They are friends that have and continue to enriched my life, warmed my souls and will be in my heart forever.

And yet......the confliction of my addiction is that I would trade it all in a heartbeat if I could have my David back.  Addicted or incarcerated...it would not matter...I would give all I have today away if I could hug my boy one more time.