How can a parent endure the loss of a child?

Some months ago I was making a presentation on the prevention and consequences of substance abuse to a gathering of middle school parents.  During the question and answer phase a mother of two young sons, one about the age of David when he died, asked me "how can a parent endure the loss of a child let alone the sudden tragic death of one to addiction?"  I have given much thought to her question in the ensuing weeks and have come to believe that grief and loss of a loved one is not something that must be endured...but rather it must be lived. 

Certainly in the beginning when I was heavily cloaked in my mantel of sorrow it took every effort on my part just to get out of bed and participate in the required rituals for the living that follow a death.  But over time and with the help of family, friends, a treatment center for my own addiction and the loving arms of my wife, my other son and a 12 step fellowship....light, hope and joy returned to my life and I was able to begin to reconstruct it's meaning. 

Part of that meaning for me today is that not only must my  grief from the the loss of my child be lived but that I have the choice to live it badly, or to live it well. I have also learned that there are things I have to do...actions I have to take, some times daily even 10 years  after the loss, to continue my odyssey in this manner.  I try to live my loss well by:

• Celebrating the time I had with Dave
• Honoring his and others who struggled and lost their lives to addiction 
• Reaching out to those who still struggle and their families who struggle with them
• Having compassion for those who stumble often
• Carrying the message that treatment and recovery do work

And so it is today that I do not simply endure David's loss...I live it....and I choose to live my loss as well as I can....one day at a time