Parent Partners: Making an Impact

The School for the Deaf and AA

Last week I had the honor and the privilege of making a presentation on dangers of inhalant abuse to high school students at the Indiana School for the Deaf.  It was an extraordinary opportunity for me from the moment I walked into the Administration Building where I was met by a young woman who was to be my guide through one of the most humbling and memorable moments of my days. Over the next two hours I found myself immersed in a culture that was both familiar and foreign.  A culture where people looked, acted and dressed like me but who spoke a language I did not understand, American Sign Language. 

The presentation, to a  group of over 200 9th through 12th graders and school staff, went wonderfully and the student response was overwhelming.  When I finished they crowded around me signing frenetically their questions and expressions of thanks to my guide who conveyed to me not only their compassion and  eagerness but warmth and kindness as well.  I was greatly moved and left the school filled with admiration for those that experience challenges in their daily existence that I could never imagine.

Later that evening as I reflected on the experience I realized that I had the same type of experienced when I attended my very first meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous.  I was fresh out of the treatment center and when I walked into my first meeting I was like a stranger in a strange land.  There I found a culture I was not familiar with and did not understand.  As the meeting progressed I understood their words but they spoke a language that was foreign to me.  And at the end of the meeting many of them crowded around me and could not have been more warm, understanding and welcoming.  And I left the meeting that first night I remember feeling great admiration for the adversity so many of them had over come by applying the tools of 12 Step recovery and attending those meetings and that gave me great hope that my life would get better.

Two meeting...years apart...very different but the same....and today...I'm just a grateful traveler to be on this odyssey.  

No one ever plans to grow up to be an addict

A MEMENTO OF A MORE INNOCENT TIME

A REMINDER THAT THIS TOO IS A FACE OF ADDICTION

 
   
 DAVID JEFFERIS MANLOVE AGE 6 
12/11/1984 - 6/9/2001

Happy Birthday Dave

Dad

 

 

Addiction - A Thief of Time

In a meeting recently we discussed the basic tenet of "One Day at a Time" and how important it is, especially in early recovery (and beyond) to live in the moment.  When I was abusing drugs and alcohol my concept of "time" revolved primarily around the regrets I had about the past and the fears I had about the future.  And as far as living in the moment my only concern about the present was where my next drink would come from.

Recovery, however has brought new understandings of many things in my life today and Time is no exception. I no longer live in the past or the future and know that the Now is all I have. I can make plans for tomorrow, next week or six months from now but appreciate that I have no control of events that may alter them.  I also know that I do not have the "luxury" of disappointment or resentment over things that don't happen the way I want them to happen.

And I have also come to understand that addiction is a thief of time when one is in the grips of the disease.  Addiction steals time from us when we are using...and robs those we love of the time we should be spending with them.  The stolen moments of physical and emotional support that are lost to spouse, family,friends, and co-workers when we are drinking and drugging are swindled from them and from us and become the plunder of addiction.

And while we cannot recover that which has been looted from us by this Thief of Time, Recovery can arrest the thief and restore our humanity and humility so that we can again live in the present and be present in the lives of those we love.

Huffing and Public Policy

Last week The Today Show aired an excellent segment on Inhalant abuse entitled Huffing is Deadly Trend .  The story has prompted several queries about what changes in public policy I would favor to combat the miss use or abuse of Inhalants.

In most cases I am not a fan of criminal justice solutions to inhalant abuse.  All of the products that have a potential for abuse are incredibly useful to society when used in the manner they were intended for and we must never lose sight of that fact.  We will never legislate our way out of this issue, but having said that many States (Indiana where we live being one) have added "driving under the influence of inhalants" to their driving while intoxicated laws.  I do agree with this change in the criminal justice statutes for the simple reason that huffing and driving becomes a public safety issue.

As the video on The Today Show indicates a number of Big Box retailers (like Walmart) have voluntarily decided to limit access to certain products (Computer Duster and Spray Paint) to individuals 18 and older.  This is accomplished by coding the products so that when they are scanned at check out the individual is asked to present proof of age.  This is a good step but in most cases has been prompted by lawsuits against companies from families who have lost a child to Sudden Sniffing Death Syndrome.  

 I AM in favor of greater education in the schools and at the community level.  A a number of states and communities, primarily in New England have mandated inhalant awareness education in the public schools at the middle school level and hold annual community meetings or conferences on Inhalant Abuse.  I do about 40 presentations a year to middle and high school students on the subject and when I ask for a show of hands of many know what huffing is and know someone who has huffed 50 - 60% of the kids put their hands up.  When I ask their parents the same question the response is between 3 - 5% so there is a significant disconnect.

If you want to get an interesting perspective on the depth and breath of the problematic aspects of this issue check out this Blog http://inhalant-info.blogspot.com/ sponsored by the Alliance of Consumer Education which is an arm of the association of manufacturers of aerosol products.  It is a daily compilation of  incidents of inhalant abuse.  Kids are not the only abusers anymore.  More young and older adults are using them. 

And there is also a "War on Terror" connection that is beginning to emerge.  Among items of standard issue to front line troops in Afghanistan and Iraq is Computer Duster which is used to clean weapons, electronics and optical gear essential to the conduct of the war.  Given that both countries are Muslim and alcohol and drugs are not as available to troops as they were in Vietnam soldiers are using huffing to deal with stress and boredom and are returning to home and continuing the use to manage PTSD.

Historically trends of inhalant abuse have ebbed and flowed and unfortunately we appear to be at the beginning of an upward surge.  As I said at the beginning we will not legislate our way out or around this issue and would welcome your thoughts and suggestions.

A&E's Intervention - Follow Up Allison

I have written before of my admiration for A&E's Intervention, the only true reality show on television today.  Their courage to show the devastating effects of the disease of addiction on addicts, their friends and their family members in a frank and brutally honest manner garnered them an Emmy this year as the 2009 Outstanding Reality Program.  For me one the most important successes of this show is that it helps demystify and provide insight to the addiction continuum of use...abuse...addiction...treatment and recovery.  Intervention accomplishes this through their award winning format of not only the personal stories of family interventions on addicts and alcoholics but "Follow-Up" episodes that update their burgeoning legions of fans on what happens post intervention/treatment in recovery.

Last weeks Follow-Up segment on "Allison", who suffers from an addiction to inhaling computer duster, was a poignant example that just because an addict or alcoholic is in recovery their daily struggle has not ended.  More importantly the same is also true for their family members. Addict behaviors persist long after using stops just as enabling and denial can continue for those who care for the addict.  To be successful both addict and family members alike must use the tools they have learned to continue in their recovery.  Further the process of recovery is individual and proceeds at it's own rate and rarely, if ever, is the addict and family member at the same place at any given point in time.  It doesn't necessary mean that one is working harder than the other but rather the challenges of recovery are different for each individual.

The recent "Follow-Up Allison" episode on A&E was a good example of this dynamic where returning to her home for the first time since the Intervention caused Allison to return to the addiction behaviors of anger and resentment.  The family member, in this case Mom, effectively demonstrated her recovery tools by not taking responsibility for her daughter's anger and in doing did not enable the behavior to continue.  It left them both unsettled but Mom's action clearly established healthy boundaries for future interactions.

Recovery is discovery and the more we recovery the more we discover about ourselves.  Bravo to A&E for showing us what recovery is like in the Real world.

Hope

Hope is the vision of the heart

End of the War on Drugs; So What's Next?

Now that the War on Drugs has been officially declared at an end by the nation's Drug Czar Gil Kerlikowske Director of the Office of National Drug Control Policy it is time to "open a new front" on the prevention, treatment and recovery from substance abuse addiction. 

I hope the shift in emphasis will also mean a shift in resources to programs and policies that promote prevention awareness and education, better and more treatment opportunities for adolescents and young adults and support for and recognition that recovery from addiction is an integral part of the prevention paradigm as well.

Can You Drug Test For Inhalants?

YES!

There is a common misperception that when someone is abusing Inhalants by huffing or sniffing... that drug tests are ineffective.  The reality is that there are more effective and extensive tests for inhalant abuse than any other abused substance.  While there exists only one test for substances like alcohol, cocaine, marijuana or herion NMS Labs (who do forensic drug testing) list 18 tests different tests for Inhalants depending on whether they are a solvent, areosol or gas? 

So if you suspect someone is abusing inhalants know what you are looking for so the right test can be applied by the testing facility!!!

A&E Intervention Bret Cansler

I have been a fan of A&E's Intervention show from the beginning.  To me it is the only "true" reality show on television today in which life is not artificially enhanced by a continuous flow of contrived events.  On Intervention life is allowed to unfold in all the unnatural and natural power of simply living. 

This past Monday's episode about Bret Cansler was a prime example of reality TV in it's poignant depiction to date of adult alcoholism.  A once successful businessman, loving husband and father devolves in a relatively short period of time to a "highly functioning" alcoholic. 

We often hear advocates say that Addiction is an equal opportunity disease but the denial and stigma of our society is so strong that we rarely accept the equality factor of the equation.  In this episode about Bret the raw power of his story stems from the ordinariness of his life, his family and his world.  To the world at large people like Bret present a visage of success behind which lurks the darkness of substance abuse. As the episode progresses we see the darkness emerge as Bret is forced to look at the unmanageability of his life through the eyes of his ex-wife, brother, girlfriend and finally his two children, who are by far the bravest two players in this compelling drama.

In the end the Intervention succeeds and Bret enters treatment willingly with a renewed commitment to make a new beginning with children.  His success is short lived as his life is cut short by esophageal cancer, a direct result of his alcoholism. 

Most would say a sad ending but I do not.  In the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous chapter entitled The Family Afterward it says that " this painful past may be of infinite values to other families still struggling with the problem."

Watch the final scene of this episode and decide for yourself.

(Bret's Episode 93) 

A Higher Power Of My Own Understanding

I stopped believing in God at an early age.  I stopped when I discovered hypocrisy in the way my parents practiced "their" religion and it was easy to extend that discovery to just about every or religion or practitioner I encountered in my adolescent and adult years.  Oh there were a couple of Gods along the way but they were God's of my first wife's understanding and the God of second wife's understand. Gods of convenience that I adopted when I wanted something or someone. 

When we sought help for our son's addiction to drugs and alcohol and was first introduced to 12 Step recovery I quickly dismissed AA, NA and CA as religious cults.  The evidence was abundantly clear to me...they had 12 commandments they called "Steps"...they had a "Big Book" which they treated like a bible....they began their meeting reading from this book like scripture and at the end of the meeting they circled up, held hand and recited The Lord's Prayer.  A revival meeting pure and simple!!!!

So when my son David died from the disease of addiction at 16 and two years later I willingly checked myself into the same treatment center; I knew I needed help but I was scared to death.  Scared because I thought if I was going to succeed where I had failed my son I would have to undergo a religious conversion...and if that were the case...then alI was lost. And so for the first three days I wandered aimlessly from meeting to meeting, therapy session to counseling session, always hearing the difference in the other patients stories instead of the similarity.

It was on the third day during an alumni panel of former patients that I first heard of the term "a higher power of your own understanding".  the fellow who used the term went on to say that "AA..NA..CA and all the A's were not religious programs but were spirituall programs."  He went on to explain further that "religion is for people who are afraid they are going to Hell and spiritual programs are for people who have already been there."  This was the first thing that I heard during my treatment  made any sort of sense and I stopped him afterward and told him a little about what had happened to me.  he listened attentively and then quietly suggested that instead of using my son's death from substance abuse as an excuse to further my own addiction I should make David part of my higher power so he would become a reason not to drink and drug.  I was incredulous..."you mean I can do that!!!" , I exclaimed.  "Of course",he said, "It's a power of YOUR understand and no one else's."

That evening I returned to my room and had the most restful night's sleep I had had since my son's death 2 1/2 years before. The next morning I awoke refreshed and began attending my daily meetings with a new out look.  His words the day before had opened the door to recovery just enough for me to slip my butt through and I became at least willing to consider that there might be a power greater than myself.  Over time I came to accept not only the existence of that power but the help and strength I now draw upon daily.

My Higher Power today is not a God in the Judeo/Christian sense but more of an amalgamation of belief systems. There is a little Buddhism in Her, a bit of the Native American Great Spirit and a lot of my son in Her.  Sometimes I call Her HP...sometimes Great Spirit and sometimes just Dave.  I have come to understand that the things I hated about religion were really all the man made trappings that surround the different sects and denominations.  I discovered that when I stripped away all the accouterments of Catholocism, Judaism and Islam what remained was my higher power...my great spirit...my Dave. 

And that She had been waiting patiently there for me all the time